Japanese Etiquette for Your Trip to Japan

The people of Japan are polite, but what they consider polite and what you might consider polite at home are likely different. Here are some things to know about etiquette that may help you avoid embarrassment in Japan.

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Visiting a Shrine Etiquette

Torii Gates

The entrance to a Shinto Shrine will typically be marked with an orange or red Torii gate.

• Don’t walk through the center of the gate. That is believed to be reserved for the local deity.
• Bowing at a Torii gate is not required for tourists, but is routinely practiced by the Japanese. Do so if you can do it in good conscience.

Ritual Washing

You will usually find a container of water at the entrance to a shrine. You are encouraged to wash your hands at this container using the dipper provided.

• Do not dip your hands into the water. Wash with the dipper provided.
• Do all washing outside of the water container, not directly over the container. Let the water fall outside the container.
• With the dipper in your right hand, pour water over your left hand.
• Repeat the process, washing your right hand while holding the dipper in your left hand.
• Titling the dipper up to pour some of the water back down the handle.

Fortunes

You will usually find a place where you can purchase a fortune. Nearby, you should find a place to tie and leave your fortune if it is less desirable. The idea is to let the local deity take care of it.

Etiquette When Eating in Japan

Chopstick Etiquette

What to do with your chopsticks:

• Rest them properly: When not in use, place your chopsticks on the chopstick rest (hashioki) provided.
• Use the wide end to take shared food: If you’re taking from a shared dish (like part of a kaiseki meal), flip your chopsticks and use the non-eating end to pick up food.

What not to do with chopsticks:

• Don’t stick them upright in rice: This resembles a funeral ritual (offering to the dead). It’s considered very bad form.
• Don’t point or wave them around: Treat chopsticks with respect—no gesturing.
• Don’t rub them together: This implies they’re cheap or splintery, which is insulting if you’re given wooden chopsticks.
• Don’t pass food from chopsticks to chopsticks: This also mimics funeral rites. After a Japanese cremation, two family members will lift larger pieces of bone out of the ashes with dual chopsticks. If you must share food, place it on a plate first.

Do I Need to Eat All My Food?

• Yes—if you can. Finishing what you’re served is polite, especially since kaiseki meals are often curated to highlight seasonal and regional specialties. Leaving food can be seen as wasteful or disrespectful to the chef.
• That said, if you cannot eat something (e.g., allergies or dietary restrictions), it’s okay—but ideally, you should have informed the chef beforehand.

Should You Eat All Your Rice?

In Japanese culture, rice is considered sacred, tied to Shinto traditions and the work of rice farmers. Leaving rice behind can be seen as wasteful or disrespectful, more so than leaving a bite of fish or vegetable.
A few tips:

• Take small bites: Don’t overfill your bowl or mouth.
• Hold the bowl close to your mouth: It’s perfectly polite (and expected) to lift the rice bowl with one hand while you eat.
• If you’re full, leaving some soup or pickles is better than leaving rice.

Pro tip: If you really can’t finish, try to leave the least amount of rice possible and group it neatly in the bowl—it shows that you weren’t careless.

Soy Sauce Etiquette in Japan

When and how to use soy sauce:

• Only use it if provided: If there’s no soy sauce on the table, it likely means the chef has already seasoned the food as intended. Don’t ask for it—especially not in a kaiseki setting.
• For sashimi, pour a small amount into the designated dish and dip the fish side, not the rice side, to prevent it from falling apart.
• For rice: Never pour soy sauce directly on white rice—this is considered poor manners. In Japan, rice is respected as-is.
• For pickles or cooked dishes, only add soy sauce if you’re absolutely sure it’s appropriate (e.g., for tamagoyaki or cold tofu)—and use it sparingly.

What not to do with soy sauce:

• Don’t pour it over everything.
• Don’t drown your sushi or sashimi in it—this is considered disrespectful to the ingredients and the chef.
• Don’t slosh it around or waste it.

In Japanese cuisine, presentation and balance are crucial. When in doubt, taste first—if it doesn’t need seasoning, don’t add any.

How to Eat Fish (Grilled or Whole)

If you’re served a whole grilled fish (yakizakana), there’s a traditional and respectful order to follow:

1. Start with the top side – begin at the head and eat toward the tail.
2. Eat the flesh cleanly off the bones, leaving the spine intact.
3. Gently lift the spine with chopsticks (or a fork) to access the underside.
4. Eat the bottom half, again from head to tail.

Avoid flipping the fish over—it’s believed to bring bad luck, especially in fishing villages (symbolizing a capsized boat).

• When multiple varieties of fish are served in the same course, the tradition is to eat the lighter-colored fish first and proceed to the darker fish. The assumption is that the darker fish has a bolder taste, so this is similar to when you taste your white wines first at a wine tasting.

Drinks Etiquette

• Wait for a toast (“Kanpai!”) before drinking.
• Don’t pour your own drink—pour for others and let them pour for you.
• Use both hands when receiving drinks.

Soup Etiquette

• If you grew up as I did in the United States, your mother undoubtedly taught you not to slurp your soup. This same etiquette does not apply in Japan. Slurp away!

Ryokan Etiquette

A ryokan is a traditional Japanese Inn, often with a hot mineral bath or onsen. Staying in a ryokan has its own set of expectations and experiences. (See A Ryokan Experience – Staying in a Traditional Japanese Hotel).

Arrival & Check-In

• Arrive by 3–6 PM: Arriving on time is crucial, especially if dinner is included. Meals are served promptly and are best enjoyed fresh.
• Cash Payments: Some ryokans may not accept credit cards, particularly in rural areas. It’s advisable to confirm payment methods in advance and carry sufficient cash.

Room Etiquette

• Tatami Care: Avoid placing luggage directly on tatami floors to prevent damage.
• Futon Bedding: Staff typically prepare your futon in the evening. If you set it up yourself, fold and store it in the morning to allow space for daytime activities.
• Setting up your futon with the head of the bed facing north is considered bad luck.

Footwear Etiquette

• Remove Shoes: Always take off your shoes at the entrance. Slippers are provided for indoor use but should be removed before stepping onto tatami mats. Depending on the Ryokan, there will be some areas where outdoor shoes should not be worn. Typically, you will find slippers there to change into.
• You will often find a second set of slippers in the toilet area, which are to be worn only in that area.

Onsen (Hot Spring Bathing)

• Cleanse First: Before entering the communal bath, thoroughly wash and rinse your body at the provided stations. You should be given a large towel and a small towel. Leave the large towel with your clothing and use the small to wash yourself.
• No Clothing: Bathing suits are not permitted; enter the onsen nude.
• Towel Etiquette: Do not immerse towels in the bath water. Place them on your head or the bath’s edge.
• Tattoos: Some onsens frown upon visible tattoos. It’s best to check the ryokan’s policy in advance.

Yukata (Casual Kimono)

• Proper Wear: Wrap the left side over the right (the opposite is reserved for the deceased).
• When to Wear: It’s customary to wear the yukata within the ryokan premises after bathing, including during meals and while exploring nearby areas.

Meals & Dining

• Kaiseki Cuisine: Dinner often features a multi-course meal served at a set time, either in your room or a communal dining area.
• Dietary Restrictions: Inform the ryokan of any dietary needs well in advance, as last-minute changes may not be accommodated.

General Conduct

• Maintain Quiet: Ryokans are places of relaxation. Keep noise levels low, especially during nighttime hours.
• No Tipping: Tipping is not customary in Japan. Exceptional service is part of the experience and doesn’t require additional gratuity.

Business Etiquette

Dress Code

• Conservative and formal: Dark suits (black, navy, or gray) with white shirts are standard.
• Avoid flashy accessories or strong cologne/perfume.
• Women should wear modest business attire, ideally with minimal jewelry.

Greetings and Bowing

• A bow is customary and shows respect. The deeper the bow, the more respect it conveys.
• A light handshake may follow, especially if the other party initiates it.
• Don’t initiate a handshake unless prompted; bowing is safer.

Business Cards (Meishi)

• Bring plenty of cards—always in pristine condition.
• Present your card with both hands, text facing the recipient.
• Accept theirs with both hands and study it carefully before putting it away (never stuff it into your back pocket).
• Use a business card holder (not your wallet or loose bag) to store and display cards respectfully.

Communication Style

• Indirect and polite—avoiding confrontation is key.
• Silence is acceptable and sometimes preferred while thinking.
• Avoid saying “no” directly. Use phrases like “That might be difficult” or “We’ll consider it.”
• Speak softly and maintain a calm demeanor.

Meetings

• Be on time or early.
• The most senior person usually enters and speaks first.
• Seating follows hierarchy—wait to be directed where to sit.
• Don’t interrupt; wait your turn to speak.

Gift Giving

• Gift giving is not required, but it is common in building relationships.
• Wrap gifts neatly; presentation matters.
• Avoid gifts in sets of 4 or 9 (unlucky numbers).
• Offer and accept gifts with both hands, and do not open them in front of the giver unless prompted.

Cleanliness and Presentation

• Personal grooming and neatness are highly valued.
• Keep materials well-organized and documents clean and unwrinkled.

For More Information

I found this video helpful. It is a video from Walk Japan that they sent me before my tour with them on the island of Kyushu.